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~Seek first to understand, then be understood~
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If you're looking for information on a particular topic, type that word in the search box below. If I have written about that subject, a list of posts will appear. If no posts come up, I haven't written about it...yet. Emails, and questions in the comments section for possible posts, are welcome.
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I have a "friend" who shows up once a month. She turns my world upside down, over and over again.
I am a good person, caring and sweet, but when she comes to visit, I could rip off your head.
She takes no prisoners, foul words she does spout, I try to keep the words in, she lets them come out.
People don't understand me, or what this is about, to have this creature inside my head.
I despise who I am, half of the time, I feel sorry for my daughter, family and friends.
There's no way to describe it, for those who don't know, it's a living nightmare, she really needs to go.
~Neysia Manor, Rest in Peace

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My PMDD Is Not Your PMDD



PMDD is such an individual thing.  What works for me will not necessarily work for you.  What triggers mine will not necessarily trigger yours.  The best I can do is share my research and hope some part of it resonates with enough women that it makes a difference in their lives.  Take caffeine, for instance.  It's been proven to be bad for PMDD.  But is it bad for your PMDD?  Only you can know.  I hardly drink caffeine at all, and I still have PMDD.  I never took birth control pills and I still have PMDD.  I've never experienced trauma of the kinds described in my previous post, and I have PMDD. 
Stress, yes, I have stress in my life.  But my stress is not your stress.  What sets me off might not faze you in the least.  I've only been pregnant once, only had one child.  I've tried HTP-5, Tryptophan, Calcium, Vitamin B Complex and Magnesium.  I've done energy work, meditation, deep breathing exercises, and walking.  Kava kava, evening primrose oil, Omega 3 essential fatty acids, GABA, and various vitamin supplements in cute little packages.  Fluoxetine is as far as I've gone in the drug realm.  I've tried hormone and neurotransmitter balancing diets, cut out sugar and alcohol.  Used bioidentical estrogen and progesterone therapy, both the cream and prescription capsules.  I've faced my emotional issues, cleaned up my life, and taken relationship classes.  I've eaten serotonin boosting foods, made sure I get enough rest, and chart my symptoms.
And still I have PMDD.  But it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.
So what works for me?  I'm not even sure yet.  My symptoms are different from month to month, as are my stressors.  And, as one astute commenter pointed out, stress can come from positive events as well -- it doesn't all have to be negative.  Happy times can cause just as much emotional upheaval as sad ones.
The one thing that has worked the most for me is awareness.  Paying attention to my body, paying attention to my intuition -  listening to how I feel inside.  It's not woo woo.  It's simple wisdom.  For instance, I know a 45 minute walk makes me feel great.  I know certain people and situations make me feel uncomfortable.  I know when something I am doing "just isn't fun" anymore.  I know what makes me feel calm and peaceful, and I know what makes me feel unsettled and angry. 
A lot of women don't know that about themselves.  A lot of women are just so busy running from activity to activity that they simply haven't made the time to get to know themselves. 
There was a time in my life when I thought I wasn't worth getting to know.  Now I am my own best friend.  I look to myself, rely on myself, for every important decision I make.  I go by how it makes me feel inside.  Anxious and edgy?  Cautious?  Bored? Confident? Terrified? Serene?
The body never lies.  If you let it, it will tell you exactly what you need to know...and exactly how you feel about something...anything...going on in your life.
Ever look at a cat, really look at it?  I've used this example before.  Cats just "are."  They know who they are, and what they want, and what they don't want.  And they know how to tell you these things -- without making excuses or apologies. If they want love, they come around.  If they want to be left alone, they go off and be alone.  If they are unhappy, they let you know. 
Why can't we be the same?  Why can't we simply accept or decline whatever is placed before us without going through a whole bunch of angst and/or guilt?  Why can't we live in the moment and deal with situations as they arise?  Why can't we just take a nap in the sun if that's what our bodies indicate we should do?  Why do we have to run around -- do this, do that -- exhausted all the time? 
Why can't we make changes and maybe try something new without upsetting someone else?  I hear this from women all the time.  "He wouldn't want me to..."  "I don't think my (insert friend, relative, co-worker here) would like that."  Or "I don't think (name someone, even your children) would let me do that."
Wouldn't like it?  Wouldn't let you?  I'm talking about things here that would benefit your health and well being.  I'm not talking about women going wild.  I'm talking about basic human needs.  Love, companionship, respect, dignity.  Consideration, concern, compassion, and understanding.  Why wouldn't someone who claims to love you or even just care about you want you to do what you need to do to be the best person you can possibly be?  Why would they want to hold you back from that?  Why would they want you to be "less" of a complete companion, parent, child, sibling, caretaker, employee?
To completely manage your PMDD, you need to take time out for you.  You need to be your own best friend and advocate.  You need to slow down long enough to listen to your body, and listen to your feelings, not the cacophony of demands life puts on us all day long.  You need to take some time to understand your individual quirks and condition, what sets you off and what makes you calm.  You need to stop "reacting" to your life (which leads to that out of control feeling we all know and hate) and become more "proactive".  You need to anticipate when your PMDD is coming, and adjust things around how you feel. 
I'm having a PMDD episode right now.  It's been going on for several days.  My awareness of it has allowed me to adjust for it, and keep my activities calm and low key.  Doing so has also allowed me to put in three slow but steady 18-hour days in a row without snapping at anyone or bursting into tears. 
Amazing. That never would have happened before I became aware of my PMDD.  I can think of at least half a dozen times these past few days where I would have *lost it* in the past.  I may still lose it.  It happens.  But the chance of it happening is a hell of a lot less than it used to be - since I started listening to my body.  Since I started cultivating my awareness of my PMDD.
The body never lies.  When it needs something, it lets you know.  When it senses trouble or danger, it lets you know.  When you meet someone who will be good for you...it lets you know.  The same goes for when you encounter someone or something that is bad for you.  The body knows right from wrong even if your mind is muddled by such things as guilt, pressure, manipulation, deception, negativity, or prevailing social and cultural messages. 
I think a lot of our PMDD crises stem from outside sources.  That's not to say that there's not stuff going on inside that makes us detonate....I'm well aware right now that I could either fall apart or blow up or both at any moment...but if I wasn't able to control my attitude -- and if I wasn't able to be proactive through awareness instead of reactive -- I know my fuse would be a lot shorter. 
Instead I'm listening to my body, taking each moment as it comes, moving from task to task, taking calming breaths, eating healthy, maintaining as positive an attitude as my PMDD brain will let me -- and when I start to get all tense and stressed....I either go for a walk, or lie down and rest. 
The work will wait.  The world can wait.  I'm not that indispensable that my life -- or anyone else's -- will fall apart if I take half an hour to recharge and regroup.
Try it.  What have you got to lose?

7 comments:

  1. Brilliant! So glad to see you back. I hope you feel better soon xx

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  2. Very well said. In fact, I find PMDD is so vastly different from one person to another, I suspect it will be discovered that it's just a bunch of symptoms with possibly very different causes - like fever is. I took a similar journey towards awareness as you did, The twist? I never found out I had PMDD until years after it was gone - when my daughter got it. And yes, sometimes it does go away.

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  3. Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this blog. I agree with almost everything you're saying. My pmdd is a curse to me. I am just learning how to deal with it. Thank God I have great people that support me. That helps a lot! I am in such an emotional roller coaster. And almost every month is different. Sometimes I just get depressed, other times I get angry. Sometimes I feel one way for a minute and completely different the next. I have 2 beautiful girls that are amazing and soooo well behaved. I grew up seeing my mom suffer from this condition and it scarred me. I try so hard to hide it from my daughters because I don't want to do the same to them. That's why I'm always emotionally exhausted. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone on this and there are others like me out there. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

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  4. Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this blog. I agree with almost everything you're saying. My pmdd is a curse to me. I am just learning how to deal with it. Thank God I have great people that support me. That helps a lot! I am in such an emotional roller coaster. And almost every month is different. Sometimes I just get depressed, other times I get angry. Sometimes I feel one way for a minute and completely different the next. I have 2 beautiful girls that are amazing and soooo well behaved. I grew up seeing my mom suffer from this condition and it scarred me. I try so hard to hide it from my daughters because I don't want to do the same to them. That's why I'm always emotionally exhausted. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone on this and there are others like me out there. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

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  5. I completely agree with you! It is vital for us to learn ourselves. So often, women put others before themselves (not all, but a good deal) and we put our needs last. I believe this is a harder concept for someone who has had trauma in their lives and hasn't had the opportunity to deal with that trauma. They may be of the mindset that they "deserve" this as punishment or anything of the like mentality. It takes time and boy, does it take effort. But it is manageable. I'm wishing you all the best, love and strength through this hard time. :)

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  6. Hi Liana,

    I can only imagine what it must be like to be living with PMDD for 40+ years, as I've had my own hormone issues for 10+ years that have led me to do my own research and, like you, become a woman's health advocate and create my own blog. Kudos to you for sharing your story and providing such important resources to help other women find their way to a solution. I would love to connect with you.

    Sonya

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  7. Very good post, thank you! Positive things can most definitely trigger PMDD flare ups in my experience. A few months ago hubby planned a surprise weekend trip to NYC. It did not go well with my PMDD :( (We have since talked about how I can't be expected to handle those types of surprises, especially the week before my period). Anyway, I am starting to learn to rest more when I need to. It is not easy for me, bc I have 2 year old triplets. But I am learning that daddy or Grandma can step in and help, and that not cooking a meal from scratch every night is ok, and that the housework really can wait until I am feeling better.

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